RespiteSaturday, March 21, 2009
The trails have changed oe'r the years..From dewy paths to asphalt anew..
Withering sights of dragging rationalities,
I am seeking once more the sanguine hue
|Avantika at 12:21:00 AM
A brief interlude..Thursday, January 22, 2009
He approaches softly. Just as a subtle hint most of the times.. a shadow of his being..
Indiscernible in the beginning, it’s not until that he makes himself comfortable in my realm that I notice his presence..
I have tried shutting him out, desperately ignoring his presence.. Busying myself with whatever’s handy each time I sense him tiptoe into vicinity. In vain though, often.
He knows me too well.. Acquaintance of years, you see . Possibly that’s the reason for his smug bearing. The familiarity of task with which he seizes reins from my hands into his own, bears testimony to association.. And as ever, He casts a benign smile to me as he does it.
May be am the one’s who has been guilty of overindulgence. Eons ago when I was, whenever I was.. afraid; to venture into an unfamiliar territory , I called upon him.. Held his hand firmly as I charted my courses through alien waters.
He never failed me once.. was always there.. Silent, unwavering. Unrelenting too… He wouldn’t let me recede back. No matter how’d I beseech to.. And together.. Hand in hand.. We kept moving on.. And on.
Of late though, I realized the grip he had on me.. Now it was him who’s holding my hand firmly… not letting me go..
Perhaps he’s afraid that I’d get swept away by the high current..
Perhaps het’s just used to my presence.. As much as I am to his..
Perhaps he’s afraid I’d back off…
Perhaps I just want to now..
A slow weariness has begun to set its roots unfathomable miles inside of me.. I am getting tired with every step that I take.. And it's not just years of forcing my way through swift currents that is responsible.. It's something like a senile decay that has set in.. Arthritis is claiming my very soul.. Showing up as gnarled knots in spirit and resolve..
Dreams are like ornaments, the young wear many.. The old look foolish wearing even one.. Counseled Mameha in 'Memoirs of a Geisha'
Yes, perhaps it is that way..
I recall us discussing the power of his presence.. How he was all that some people had… How he was both a boon – As he was to me then..
and
A bane- “ ‘Coz you are like wood.. You smolder on long after the fire had been extinguished.. Carrying the spark quietly in your womb.. Hidden from the sight of the rest of the world.. Its precarious..”
Yeah, he could be dangerous..
These days I feel his presence near me, all the time.. Half a step behind.. Ready to catch if I slip.. To take over if I start letting go.. Simply being around.. to be around.. whenever I need him.. if ever..
I don’t think, I need him anymore.. I don’t think I intend to cross any strange waters any longer.. I don’t think I am upto it any further..
I look up to him to tell him it all.. To tell him off… and find him humming to himself..
“…
Jus few days to tote the weary load…
No matter twill ne’er be light..
Jus few days we totter on the road….
…”
I smile and offer my hand..
He resounds in my heart… He’s - Hope.
|Avantika at 2:02:00 PM
BlankWednesday, January 21, 2009
Like Mario Puzo said...' Never go back.
Not for excuses.
Not for justification.
Not for happiness.
You are what you are, The world is what it is.'
Yeah..
|Avantika at 11:25:00 PM
The Wor(l)d is Fuzzy…Tuesday, December 30, 2008
‘Hey! check this out… !’Yesterday, during one of those random recollections.. I recalled myself and my PIP sitting outside the canteen, going wide- eyed over the syllabi of Fuzzy-Logic as an elective..
Who would have thought back then, Not far down the line.. Fuzzy will be all that everything around is..
The contours are all a little windswept.. the lines are all blatantly blurry..
I can’t pinpoint and say ‘Yes, that’s where it begun'.. or may be ‘ Ah! that’s when it started taking the shape it has today’.. There are no clear beginnings as I see in hindsight.. There is no clear end as far as I can make out in future.. It all looks like a vast expanse of mid section that is stretched out till horizon both ways and then again… My horizon gets lost in clouds!
Even as a child I recollect my drawings having black felt-pen outlines without fail..
Later, as a wanna-be sketch artist.. I depended heavily on my ‘Apsara extra dark pencil’ to bring out the forms that’d stand strikingly clear against the white of paper..
Like most mortals who’d rather have a crystal clear image.. fuzzy edges are pretty disconcerting…
Add to it , impatience that i possess.. And the whole idea is almost infuriating..!
It’s like driving on a foggy morning.. No matter how urgently you need to get someplace.. No matter how late you are for your appointment.. In the best interests of all, you must not let the speedometer needle over-sweep..
(Yeah I know.. We have all done our fool-hardy bits on December mornings on DND expressways, that’s the whole point of adding ‘In the best interests of all’ :P )
Coming back to the fuzzy idea.. In its own sly way, the situation is teaching me the virtues of endurance. As a matter of fact its forcing down pills of patience down my throat, while binding me to my chair so that there is just no way out.
Am confused, to say the least… Am bewildered, at best.. And am eternally grateful to this one individual who helped me get into this state..
And just so that the lessons dont get lost, in these circumstances..
I think I’ll take a time-out and observe it as it unwinds.. it for sure is bringing in new dimensions.. it may just turn out to worthwhile! :)
And to think of it, it’s something that me and PIP agreed on without contesting, even back then..
Fuzzy looks good!!:)
P.S. Aseem, this one's for you... You are the haziest person i've ever had the honor of bumping into!
|Avantika at 12:37:00 PM
R.I.P. my friend.. I'll miss you..Sunday, December 28, 2008
Just when i had given up, he sauntered his way into my life in his very special style and made me believe again..The only person i have known, who could be called 'Best-in-class'.. with All the Class one'd ever need in a guy..
There's a void Aseem.. and words will never be enough..
Aseem-o-shaan-e-shehenshah.. you live on..Love ya alwaysss..
|Avantika at 8:09:00 PM
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